blog

Few would dispute that good communication is essential to a happy and successful relationship. Even arguments might not necessarily be a bad thing–an air-clearing argument need not be destructive, and is probably more healthy than sullen silences. But recent work reported in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy now suggests that what partners discuss, or argue about, could be indicative of the health of a relationship 10.1080/0092623X.2011.547352.

During recorded discussions between newlyweds the researchers noted how the participants behaved during conflict. While conflict itself, or even ‘negative behaviour’ (from the paper: “contemptuous, domineering, belligerent, defensive, and angry” behaviour) during conflict did not of itself predict a lower satisfaction with the marriage, negativity when discussing sexual issues did.

R. Taylor Segraves, evaluating the article, points out that there are two conclusions for marital therapists: first, they should focus on sexual behaviour in newlyweds; second, the behaviour of the couple while discussing sexual matters should be noted.

It’s a small study (only 15 couples were interviewed) but if borne out implies that emotionally charged conflict (i.e. over sexual matters) could be a much stronger predictor of relationship distress than mere arguments about the mortgage, or what colour curtains go best with the carpet.